Who Do You Need to Influence the Most?

Four Simple Skills, When and How to Apply Them

 

Copyright © 2006  The National Learning Institute

This article may be freely published electronically.  It may be reprinted for individual use in hard copy but may not be reprinted in hard copy for commercial purposes.

 

Do you need to have:

· Your manager give you more credit for the work that you do?

· Your partner acknowledge that your ideas are really worth listening to?

· Your children accept more responsibility?

· Your friends take you seriously when you really mean it?

· Your customers buy more from you?

· Your suppliers meet your quality standards?

· Your team become more energetic?

 

Hey, couldn’t the list go on!  I’m sure many of us would like to see some or all of the above occur (and probably a few more as well).  The key to being more successful in our interpersonal endeavours, is to become more influential.  Influence is no longer considered a magic quality that is bestowed on some and not others.  Nor is it something we gain through holding a position of power.  Surprisingly, we can all improve our ability to influence others by merely sharpening the influencing skills we already have in our armoury and perhaps using them more appropriately according to the situation.

 

The first step in applying our influencing skills more productively, is to recognise the type of situation we are facing.  Is the person (or people) you are trying to influence at all emotional about the topic?  For example, are they worried or excited, sad or happy?  What are your feelings about the topic?  Do you have some basic needs that you must satisfy?  If either you or your influence target are at all emotional about the topic, then you are dealing with a “feeling” type situation.

 

On the other hand, if both parties see the topic or discussion as factual – i.e. logic and reason prevail over emotion, then you are in a “fact” situation.

 

So, step one is to decide “Is this situation feeling or fact?” As you might now expect, Feeling and Fact situations require quite different influencing skills.

 

Let’s say that you are a parent.  You want to get your seven year old child to tidy their room.  All the reason and logic in the world will not get the child to tidy their room if they don’t want to (no doubt many of you can relate to this!).  Despite what some of the parental guideline books might suggest, experience shows that you need to take an assertive (feeling) type approach rather than a reasoning (fact) approach in such a situation.

 

However the assertive approach taken with your child will probably not work when you want your boss to approve a new item of budget expenditure (in fact it may even work in reverse and get your budget cut!)

 

Let’s look at how to manage the Feeling situations first.  For example, when a person comes to us with a personal problem, we need to apply our reflective listening skills.  Whereas, when we have a very strong desire to get our needs met (for instance in a tough negotiating situation), we need to apply assertive skills. 

 

Whilst these situations are quite different in their context, both are feeling type situations – the first is dealing with their feelings, the second is dealing with our feelings.  Because of this, each feeling influence situation is successfully handled by using different influencing skills.

 

For feeling situations, the most powerful influencing skills are:

Reflecting . . .     
The ability to really listen to the underlying message being expressed by the other person (not what they may be               saying, but what they are really feeling)

Asserting . . .      
Stating our own needs and expectations strongly

 

Fact situations on the other hand, require the skills of questioning and suggesting.  Whenever we ask open, non-threatening questions we are using the influencing skill of gathering data.  e.g. “I’d like to hear more about your proposal.  What are the main reasons why you have suggested this?” 

 

Whenever we put forward a proposal, recommendation or merely a suggestion, we are using the influencing skill of suggesting.  And our suggestions can become even more powerful when they are supported with strong reasoning.  e.g.  "There is only one system on the market that meets these requirements and that is why I recommend the P680".

 

For fact situations, the most powerful influencing skills are:

Questioning . . . 
Asking fact-finding, non-judgmental questions.

Suggesting . . .  
Making proposals and suggestions supported by two or three
strong reasons.

 

Employing our natural influencing skills more productively on a daily basis means:

· Deciding whether the situation calls for feeling or fact type influencing skills

· Using the most appropriate feeling or fact influencing skills for the situation.

 

So, next time you want to influence that important person in your life, rather than barging in, step back a little and think.  Is this fact or feeling?  What skills will be most appropriate?

 

 

When is Negotiating Not Negotiating?

4 Tips For Getting A Better Deal In Negotiations

 

Copyright © 2006  The National Learning Institute

This article may be freely published electronically.  It may be reprinted for individual use in hard copy but may not be reprinted in hard copy for commercial purposes.

 

When you left home for work this morning, did you feel ready to face the day knowing that you were going to have a number of successful negotiations?  Chances are, the word "negotiation" never ntered your head.  Perhaps it should have!

 

We often think of negotiation as a formal process conducted behind closed doors by high powered executives, politicians or world leaders.  Yet everyday all of us negotiate.You may have to agree with colleagues on the content of a report or presentation; with a customer over a disputed invoice; with a supplier on the terms for goods or services; or with your partner on what to have for dinner tonight!  All of these things are negotiations. 

 

Our problem is that we don't recognise them as negotiations, nor ourselves as negotiators.  As a result, we enter these discussions less prepared than we could be.  The result?  Sometimes a less-than-successful outcome!

 

To help make all our daily negotiations more successful (for both you and the other party), you need to:

· State your case clearly and appropriately

· Organise your facts

· Control the timing and pace of your discussion

· Properly assess both yours and the other parties needs

 

How do you carry out these four points successfully?  First, you need an understanding of some of the key principles of successful negotiation.  Try this "True/False" quiz to test your knowledge.

 

	TRUE	FALSE
Should you ask for twice the amount you need?
Is your aim to prevent the other party from saying "No"
Will a small concession relieve the pressure?
A "Win/Win" result is always possible.
Is admitting to an error or omission a sign of weakness?

 

Check your answers below:
1. Should you ask for twice the amount you need?  

False.  You will have to back down and will lose an important opportunity to influence the other party.  Research clearly indicates that negotiators who make large concessions end up worse off.  The secret of successful negotiating is to first identify your needs, then work out a range of options that will satisfy those needs.  Start the negotiation by asking for the options that best meet your needs.

 

2.  Is your aim to prevent the other party from saying "No"?   

False.  Getting a "No" from the other party gives you the opportunity to ask "Can you give me your reasons?".  This leads to uncovering the other party's real needs and some options that will satisfy them – options which you could supply.

 

3.  Will a small concession relieve the pressure?  
False:  They may think you are weakening and put more pressure on.  Far better to state or restate your needs and then explore as many options as possible to satisfy them.  As part of this discussion, you may come back to the offer that was just rejected, or you may find some even better options.  Either way you have gained a lot more information and not weakened your position.

 

4.  A "Win/Win" result is always possible.  
False:  It's desirable, but not always possible.  Sometimes, even the best of negotiators have to "agree to disagree".  The way to improve your ratio of "Win/Win's" is to focus very clearly on your own real needs (not positions) and the needs of the other party.  Searching for many different options to satisfy both party's needs generates more "Win/Win" situations.

 

5.  Is admitting to an error or omission a sign of weakness?  
False:  Research shows that disclosing such information demonstrates honesty.  In psychological terms, it breeds what is called "reciprocity" - if you do something for me, then I'll do something for you.  People are far more likely to be honest with you when you are honest with them.  Pulling the wool over someone's eyes may give you a short term result at the expense of a long term relationship.

 

Some tips to help you negotiate successfully

If you want a better deal, ask for one
You'll never know unless you ask!

Argue to learn, not to win
To meet your own needs you need to learn as much as possible about the other party and their needs. The more you learn, the better chance you have of getting a good deal.

Make proposals regularly during the negotiation
Proposals move the negotiation forward.  Use proposals such as "If you will provide . . . . then I might consider . . . ."  The other party's response to these proposals will give you a lot of information to work with.

Ask for, and give as much information as possible 
For example, questions such as "Can you explain your reasons for . . . . ?', "What are your priorities? and "What else is there that you think I should know?" are excellent ways of gathering the information you need.

The National Learning Institute™